The story could start in a kitchen, in front of a large pot in which a wonderful vegetable soup is simmering. A nice variety of vegetables bring in different flavors, and your job as chef is to make sure that no single flavor dominates, that the vegetables stay crisp - but not raw - and that a delicious soup can be served in which the vegetables aren’t overcooked or bob in the pot, limp and tasteless.
To orchestrate conflict in a way that people grow, learn from it, and ultimately advance, you must make sure that it is meaningful and urgent and at the same time people don’t burn out from intensive pressure, learning, and conflict. So how can you manage a team or an entire organization in the way that the temperature is right and it's neither too cold nor too hot?
Conflicts can be very helpful and drive learning and development if they offer the right balance between challenge and support for those involved. Especially as a leader, you might ask: How can I control this balance? How can I regulate conflicts to the right temperature? For one, you need to constantly be on the lookout for signals on where the temperature is at (What signals? See this blogpost!) and then regulate the heat so that the temperature is just right for a productive learning and change.
When you experience a conflict next time, try experimenting with the following ideas if you feel the heat needs to be increased for learning to occur:
Focus on difficult and key issues
Give the participants more responsibility than they feel comfortable with (well-dosed (over-)demand)
Let conflicts become noticeable and explicit
Tolerate provocative comments
Name the group dynamics in the here-and-now and use them to illustrate key challenges of the group (e.g., handing over responsibility to authority, branding someone as the buck and seeing all responsibility on that person, getting stuck on technical solutions)
When it gets too hot, no one has enough bandwidth to be able to learn. To reduce the heat, try one of these ideas:
Address those aspects with the most obvious and technical solutions (technical?! Check out this link to tech/adapt)
Give structure by breaking the problem into smaller pieces and giving a time horizon, you can also set rules for decisions and tasks for different roles
Take responsibility for difficult problems for a short time
Use avoidance mechanisms (take a break, tell a story or a joke, do an exercise, ...)
Decelerate the process: Challenge norms and expectations less rapidly or less at once
People in formal authority roles tend to act all too quick and cool down the atmosphere to ensure harmony. And I honor that, we often want to avoid escalation and not be blamed for a lousy, tense atmosphere. In addition, authority figures must also live up to the expectations of their role, ensure order, provide orientation and also protect against conflicts escalating beyond what is tolerable. So, especially as in a position of power, it's important to regulate the temperature high enough for learning to take place while keeping the heat in check so that everyone continues to feel safe enough to act bravely. Not an easy task!